I've started this exact blog post about five hundred times, but never knew how to start it or what to even say.
I will start with this, I have a wonderful four year old son who has never known what it is like to have both parents under the same roof. For those of you that aren't picking up what I'm putting down; His father and I were never married, only dating, **in an extremely toxic relationship**. We lived together on and off for years and about two months after our tiny human was born he moved out for good. I quickly realized that everything I thought my life was going to be was no longer that; It was almost like someone had pulled the tablecloth that was my new adventure right out from under me and I was falling..HARD. Not only had the person who I believed I was going to spend the rest of my life and build a family with left me, but I was also dealing with the "Baby Blues" a.k.a depression. I was sad for my son to never know what it was like to live with both parents, I didn't (and still don't) want him to think he came from a place of hate because at one point his father and I obviously loved each other. Times became very dark after that, I was surrounding myself with anyone and everyone that gave me any kind of attention. I came to my senses very quickly after a close family member gave me the harsh reality talk.
It took me roughly two years before I fully climbed out of that dark hole. I can't say firmly that I don't get close to the edge of that hole or that I don't sometimes dip my toes back into it because I do. Sometimes I become depressed all over again, I lose myself in insecurities of my parenting and life. I believe it will be something I ALWAYS struggle with. Here I am four years later, still living in the same place, working the same shitty retail jobs. But things are looking up; I'm furthering my education (working towards a doctorate) for my son to have the life he deserves. That was until the day I was served with custody papers.
"I'm looking for Alexis Cary."
"That's me."
"You've been served."
Tiny human's father wanted full custody. Let me repeat that, FULLY CUSTODY. He wanted to take my whole world from me. A lot of people have asked "Why? After four years, why would he do that?" I want to give them a complete answer but it's complicated. I want to yell and scream about how petty and mean he is, how it's not because he actually wants to spend that time with his son. It's to hurt me, to humiliate me, to break me; I say this because about a week before I was served I filed for child support. Now, I have to make this part very clear. I had asked "C" for a paycheck stub and was only going to as for 20% because that is Illinois state law; I didn't want to take him to court and go through that whole mess, all I wanted was a paycheck stub. I asked for months, that turned into a year so after being fed up and finally not scared of him, I took the chance and filed. His response was typical for his nature,
"Well I'm going to take you for custody."
No comments:
Post a Comment